September 11th was, of course, a monumental day for us all. For me, it was not just the beginning of the end of my optimistic view of the world.
It was also the beginning of the end of viewing my marriage optimistically. In comparison to the lives lost on 9-11, my marriage seems a small price to
pay. Its demise was not caused by events on 9-11. But it seemed to begin to loose more and more pieces and fall apart more quickly after 9-11. Over the
years, I have learned that divorce is an experience that carries with it loss, grief, anger and pain. The events that I felt led up to my divorce
just happened to coincide with the most horrific day in the lives of Americans. During the many hours and days that followed the attacks, I was
glued to the television along with the rest of America. I called friends and family and cried for those lost and those injured. But along with the
tears for my fellow citizens, my tears were for my home and were enhanced by the knowledge that I would never look at my marriage the same way.
To this day, 9-11 means something very personal to me. I am fortunate I didn’t lose a loved one in the attacks. I am still touched by the pain America still
feels. But each year I am also touched and affected by the memory of that day and how it related to my own household. I have often wondered how many
couples were having problems that were amplified by that day. How many of them used the events to repair the broken pieces of their relationships?
How many others allowed the negative forces to take hold? How many others ignored the healing forces and embraced the negative? We were an unlucky
pair who allowed the negative to take over. He was traveling and I just wanted him home safe. He was traveling with another woman. I knew her well.
He didn’t hear my plea of forgiveness or my pleas to just get home safe. He used my insecurities and sensitivity to hurt me. He claimed he didn’t realize
the magnitude of the attacks. Though he was traveling across borders with difficulty, he had the ability to berate me anyway and to leave me
in tears. I was in tears several times that day from the words he said to me by phone. Several days later he asked me to pick him up at the airport. I did.
They arrived together, and I was never the same. Whether my ex has ever realized what 9-11 did to me, I will never know. It was a sad day for us all.
It is still a somber day for America. For me, it is a day that reminds me of a negative time in my life when something came into my home and destroyed
it. I wonder how many others out there felt the same way,and saw more than the towers crumble that day.
